p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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