but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
