Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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