My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
