3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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