Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
