did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
