I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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