I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
