I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize