they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
