She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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