I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just invented taco cereal.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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