im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
