I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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