my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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