you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
