you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
