I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
