you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
