I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
