glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
