Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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