the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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