this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
