The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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