Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
