Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
