the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
