I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
