We won't sleep together?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
