sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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