Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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