Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
