As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
