How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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