last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
