I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
