I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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