Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
