I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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