Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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