Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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