They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
