I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize