She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
