I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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