do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
