i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize