I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
