my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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