You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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