does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I pour the whiskey from now on
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
