He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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