I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
