I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
