i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
