I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dear god my vagina.
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