So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
