im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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