So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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