I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
