well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
