i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
