i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
