girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
