At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize