I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
