i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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