sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize