I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize