I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
