So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
