I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize