i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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