Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
