All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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