mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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