goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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