Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
