god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
