I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
