Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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