Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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