I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She just used a chaser for red wine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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