Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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