my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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