His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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