the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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