Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
