no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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