I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
