can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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