Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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