And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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