im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
