He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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