2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's just like the Real World with babies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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