i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
